Gowns and Goals

Her gown was like a rose: pearly pale-pink with the feel of nobility; mine was goldenrod with a royal blue trim.  Hers was plush, yet airy and playful; mine was heavy, worn, and steeped in tradition. 

She unboxed hers in the living room with joyful whimsy; I released mine from the plastic bag trap in which it hung, sandwiched among old coats and dresses in a rarely visited closet packet with baseball cards, vinyl records, old shoes and such.

We dressed… she giggled… then we walked down the well-traveled staircase to make our grand entrance and greet those in audience.

Her gown never fails to fill her with delight. When I first got mine, it thrilled me... but, I confess, my delight has wained.  And if I were honest: As of late, I couldn’t care less about my gown.  That is, I couldn’t have cared less until she started to wear hers and I started to wear mine at the many spontaneous events we attended together.

Her gown is magical and filled with possibilities.  Mine disavows magic with science.

She loves her gown so much, and she wanted it nearly her entire life. I loved my gown and aspired to own-my-own when I first caught glimpse of one more than 40 years ago.

But now, as Paul Harvey would say, for the rest of the story.  

The “her” in this story is one of my granddaughters who loves to play dress-up and be a princess.  One day, while playing together, inspiration struck and I realized I could also play dress-up by simply putting on the gown I first-coveted in 1975 when I received my undergraduate degree and saw the professors dressed in their doctoral regalia.  I wanted one of those colorful academic gowns and, in 1983, I received my Ph.D. and earned and acquired my very own.  And, since then, I played dress-up for many years to celebrate college graduations with pomp and circumstance as a professor and dean.  I loved that gown even as it became frayed and tattered.

Since retiring from academia my gown retired too; so, I parked it in a closet. Parked it, that is, until this new found purpose where I am "YOUR MAJESTY" not "the Dean."

My gown is happy with its new and weighty responsibilities at royal events.

That said, and while my gown is happy, I am aware of a void in my goal-orientation to the world.  The gown was one of several goals I had set my sights on and achieved.  But now, the force that compelled me toward achievements has wained.  I do not like this. And. So. I am looking for a new obsession. But first… a nap.

MSS

6/23